Author Archives: Chase Holden

Letter to The Commissioner: The Super Fan

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COMMISH!!

Im so fucking pumped for this season!! I just ordered a brand new Kahlil Mack jersey for this year because DA BEARS ARE FUCKING BACK bro!!! There is no hope this year for you chodes because I’m going to own this whole team and that’s all that I’m going to need. Gonna get Jordan Howard as my RB1 and then back it up with Cohen in the flex. You wont know what hit you. Now I know you’re just super jealous that Chicago has the most bad ass team in the league but I don’t wanna hear no shit about how I draft my team this year. My actions are justified by the sheer force that Trubisky and company will inflict on the north. Tell Davin to go suck a dick too btw with his cheese head looking ass. I swear to fucking Christ I will throat punch the shit out of him if he even thinks twice about drafting Trey Burton in the 7th. I will straight up take Jimmy Graham and never play him. I’m still not over Chris taking Jordan Howard last season from me. I know I didn’t pay up but I feel like I was robbed last year so I just focused on our team. The bears needed me bro but hey I feel confident. This Anthony Miller kid is the next Antonio Brown without a doubt. I GUARANTEE he outscores AB this year and finishes as the top Wide Receiver in the league. You dip shits wont even give him the time of day and that’s why hes going to me in the 2nd!  I’ve got my money ready to explode out of my hand like words exploding out of the god Mike Ditka’s mouth when he’s amped the fuck up. WOOOOOOOOO Rick Flair bitch!!

So just make sure that I get the first pick so that I can get Jordan ok? That’s not too much to ask but if I’m going to play fantasy football I’m going to have my Bears and that’s non negotiable. Jim kept telling me some shit about how week 5 will be bad for me but shit man even god needed a day of rest after he made the world and so will we (Bears). Ill take that shit because THE MIDWAY IS REAL!!! Don’t give me no shit commish. Chicago to the Super Bowl 2018!!!

P.S. I’m getting my Bears 2018 SB Champions tat tomorrow so I wont have the money till next Thursday. Peace.

A Letter To The Commish: The “My Wife Controls Me” Guy

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Hey Commish,

Wow man, another year has flown by and Its almost time for Fantasy SZN again. Hope the draft isn’t the first Sunday of September by the way because Cheryl’s mom will be in town and we made plans to go to the lake for pictures. If it is that’s ok, I’m cool with auto drafting. I’ve been watching a lot of ESPN and even started recording Fantasy Live so I can really get ready for the league this year. I know I should have been more active last year but you know Cheryl was having a hard time after that bad experience in October when she died her hair and it turned orange. Had to spend my Sundays watching movies with her and I really didn’t want too but gotta do what I gotta do (ughh..). I’ve told her that I want to be able to let loose a little on the weekends with the guys like old times and she was cool with it. I just have to make sure I’m home before 7 for Super Salad Sundays. You know how serious she is with that. But anyway that’s neither here nor there. I wanted to get your advice on my first pick. Since you’re behind me I figured you be cool to help but I’m really thinking about drafting Saquon Barkley this season. I know he’s like some sort of sleeper rookie and all but I want to really shock the guys. Like really let them know I’ve been doing my homework because I know Drew wanted me out because he thought I didn’t take this serious enough after he made that comment about Cheryl and how she basically runs my life. (Yeah right lol). I’m in it to win it this year and you’re going to see that! I wont be able to make it to kickoff Sunday next week either though because we have to go to church that morning for Cheryl’s third cousins baptism. I’m sure you get it since you’re married and all but I will definitely come kick it with you for an hour on Monday to watch a little of the first Monday Night game. Cheryl’s going to bring some of her famous recipe alfredo so it going to be awesome! Let me know when you need the money for league dues and ill get you a check asap. See you Monday man!

P.S. Can you please tell Monica not to bring up Cheryl’s mole on her ear? It really upset her last time and I wasn’t able to set my lineup that week last year because of it. It was CRAZY. She slammed my phone on the ground and broke it. She can get a little emotional sometimes but hey thats women.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

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What Up Garage Fam!!??

 

We are currently going under the knife for a full makeover to prepare for the 2018 NFL Season. Our podcast has been moved to a new address but you can Subscribe on almost every podcast platform (I will provide links below).

We have made this change so that we can focus our site on Fantasy content and news articles that will be here to help you get ready to dominate thGGFS NEWe Fantasy gridiron.

As always, If you have any questions please email us or shoot us a Tweet @garageguysfs

 

Keep on rocking and get ready for a big game changing season!!

 

GGFS Podcast

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/garage-guys-fantasy-sports-podcast/id1334001706?mt=2

Google Play: https://play.google.com/music/m/Iv7wfkjzpwqjf5yuxlvl54ryaje?t=Garage_Guys_Fantasy_Sports_Podcast

Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/garage-guys-fantasy-sports-podcast

Buzzsprout: https://www.buzzsprout.com/171768.js?player=large

 

IMPORTANT UPDATE!!

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Hey guys we have decided to move our Podcast to a new platform so that we can monitor our progress more efficiently. Please take some time today to visit our new feed and re subscribe there and also in iTunes! We hope this wont cause any inconvenience and look forward to continue bringing you all the best (and chilliest) content that we can. Aside from iTunes we will now be available on Stitcher, Google Play, Spotify, and Alexa.

Here is our new RSS Feed link for advanced users:

https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/171768.rss

Here is our new site where the audio will be hosted:

GGFS.buzzsprout.com

NASCAR: Americas Dirty Sidechick

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Fast cars, fast women, the vibrations running up your legs… ooooh sweet NASCAR. The season is over and Martin Truex Jr took the cake in Miami in true fashion. We lost legend driver Dale Jr. to retirement and Denny Hamlin still hates Chase Elliott. Pretty certain anyway. So what comes now? February is right around the corner and I for one want to see more excitement out of this sport. I come from an era where you go round and fucking round and whoever wins just wins. That’s it. Dunzo. Now you’ve got all these stages and self proclaimed “Viewership Experts” trying to make it more of an “Acceptable” sport. HELLO!? This sport was created off the running of moonshine! Your fan base is a bunch of wild as fuck blue collar people. Shit I’m one of them. (Ive cut a mean rug at Dega in my day) What’s it gonna take to get the numbers up in this fucking sport!? Im on board with taking a history lesson and going back to the days of old. 80s and 90s style. Rock of ages. Marshall Tucker band type shit. We need that. The drivers need that. The Fans need that. If Donald Trump is making America great again why the fuck cant NASCAR be great again!? Everyone should at least go to one race in their lifetime and experience that type of madness. It’s basically like a BillsMafia Tailgate guest starred in an episode of Dukes of Hazard. It’s wild and I cant stress it enough. I’d love to see NASCAR make more of an impact in the fantasy sports world but sadly its gonna take the sport making it big again before we can see the amount of traffic fantasy football and baseball get. It’s kinda like fantasy hockey and with that unless you bring back more fighting, you’ll be fighting for ratings. Moral of the story is that NASCAR is a down home American ordeal and deep down inside of all of us there’s a wild hair waiting to sprout for fast, dirty, badass American speed.

What’s Eating Rickey Rage: Vol. 1

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It’s week 15 of the NFL season and I have yet to find a legitimate reason not to utterly despise this league in the year 2017. The injuries are fucking insane and it’s the time of the year where fantasy players hunker down and try to rub out a win anyway they know how. The only problem is that unless you’re in some shitty fantasy league built by a robot your Waiver Wire has probably been gutted like a Turbo Man Doll in a mall toy store in 1996.

“So where do I go from here Rickey!?”

The only thing I can really say at this point is buckle up butter cup because you’re in for one hell of a ride. To be honest if you’ve made it this far and you haven’t been playing the waiver wire you deserve your fantasy football card taken from you and thrown into a dumpster fire because that’s where all your hopes and dreams are going this season.

People like that are a reason for about 20 percent of my rage and there’s a select few people that royally chap my ass in fantasy football. Here’s my top three.

#1. The Inquisitive One

We all know that one guy who asks everyone in the league who they should start this week. I enjoy this person to an extent because it allows me to give them misleading information because of how stupid they are to ask a competitor that question. We’re all in it to win it baby and if you want to get in that boat go right ahead and let me steer it for you. I put in a fuck load of research and the reality is that the average player dosent really have to. It only takes a damn minute to figure your lineup out and that’s it. If you really need to ask me weather you should bench Lev Bell for Alex Collins this week you most definitely eat pieces of shit for breakfast.

#2. The Non Shit Talker

Fantasy Football is a game of superiority. It’s guts, glory, and feeling the overwhelming joy of outscoring your opponent. This game was made for trash talk. Look at Michael Rapaport for instance. This guy is the absolute Fantasy Football Player role model (if you haven’t heard of him leave, just go now). Michael is talking shit when he’s winning and talking shit when he’s losing. It takes alot of skill to get on that level but if you’re not at least giving the occasional “Fuck You I Win” text after every victory then go play fantasy golf because this shit ain’t for you.

#3. The “I was too busy to set my lineup” guy

I FUCKING HATE YOU! This is the worst guy ever. If you’ve never had a guy like this in one of your leagues please DM me and shoot me an invitation because I’m on my way. Nothing is worse than getting a victory where you were up against four bye week players. I don’t care if you had lunch after church or you had family pictures, YOU KNOW THAT SUNDAY IS GAMEDAY! If you can’t take the time to go replace your players then you need to GTFO and FAST! I dont want any part of you in my life or fucking up my league. Focus on baking cookies and watching lifetime all day you shit. If Saturdays are for the boys then Sunday’s are for the men and if you can’t set your lineup after you agreed to play then give me your man card along with your resignation. Although a win is a win it can also become a win for anyone every week and that just fucks up the system.

So now that I’ve cleared the air it’s time for me to digress and get ready for due battle in my leagues because this is my shit and I wish each and everyone of you success as you March into week 15. Unless you’re playing me. In that case you can get fucked.