Letter to The Commissioner: The Super Fan
Im so fucking pumped for this season!! I just ordered a brand new Kahlil Mack jersey for this year because DA BEARS ARE FUCKING BACK bro!!! There is no hope this year for you chodes because I’m going to own this whole team and that’s all that I’m going to need. Gonna get Jordan Howard as my RB1 and then back it up with Cohen in the flex. You wont know what hit you. Now I know you’re just super jealous that Chicago has the most bad ass team in the league but I don’t wanna hear no shit about how I draft my team this year. My actions are justified by the sheer force that Trubisky and company will inflict on the north. Tell Davin to go suck a dick too btw with his cheese head looking ass. I swear to fucking Christ I will throat punch the shit out of him if he even thinks twice about drafting Trey Burton in the 7th. I will straight up take Jimmy Graham and never play him. I’m still not over Chris taking Jordan Howard last season from me. I know I didn’t pay up but I feel like I was robbed last year so I just focused on our team. The bears needed me bro but hey I feel confident. This Anthony Miller kid is the next Antonio Brown without a doubt. I GUARANTEE he outscores AB this year and finishes as the top Wide Receiver in the league. You dip shits wont even give him the time of day and that’s why hes going to me in the 2nd! I’ve got my money ready to explode out of my hand like words exploding out of the god Mike Ditka’s mouth when he’s amped the fuck up. WOOOOOOOOO Rick Flair bitch!!
So just make sure that I get the first pick so that I can get Jordan ok? That’s not too much to ask but if I’m going to play fantasy football I’m going to have my Bears and that’s non negotiable. Jim kept telling me some shit about how week 5 will be bad for me but shit man even god needed a day of rest after he made the world and so will we (Bears). Ill take that shit because THE MIDWAY IS REAL!!! Don’t give me no shit commish. Chicago to the Super Bowl 2018!!!
P.S. I’m getting my Bears 2018 SB Champions tat tomorrow so I wont have the money till next Thursday. Peace.