Giancarlo Stanton Is Bronx Bound And We’re All Fucked.

The Marlins have reportedly agreed to trade right fielder Giancarlo Stanton to the New York Yankees on Saturday and I’m shook af!

Its been said the Marlins were trading for Yankees 2nd baseman Starlin Castro but now we’re hearing he’s just being traded for a slew of no name players.


I’m going to go ahead and say that I’m in no way shape or form a Yankees fan so this is the scariest fucking thing in the world. When you take a guy that hit .281/.376/.631, led the league with 59 home runs and 132 RBI’s, plus his OPS was 1.007 and you pair him with Aaron Judge, DiDi Gregorious, and Gary Sanchez you get nervous. If your favorite team is in the AL, sorry but a title is going to be borderline impossible.

The real news here is that sneaky ass Derek Jeter has been probably plotting this move all along. Only Jeter would pull his best player to send him to the Bronx to finally create the ultimate batting powerhouse and no one will say shit because he knows and they know…. he’s Derek Fucking Jeter.

One thing good that may come from this is that uhh…mmmm…..NOTHING!

Nothing but sheer sluggery and magic from a team that I have no interest in. So it’s lights out baseball from now on “Rest of the AL”. Best bring your A game because Jeter don’t give a fuck and just let the Yanks get right back in the thick of it. As for you Yankees fans.. celebrate.

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