Juice is Worth the Squeeze

Jarvis Landry has spent a good deal of his career being underrated, most all of it to be honest. Coming out of LSU at the same time as Odell Beckham Jr. and not being drafted as high, he has always been slightly overlooked. Although he is a very skilled slot receiver, and can spread it out at times, people never seem to put him in the same category as players like OBJ, Brown, and JJ. Despite being constantly knocked down a notch in terms of his status, his numbers have always impressed. Even more impressive, is his dedication to the game. Even while playing alongside a decent set of receivers in Miami, he still managed outstanding numbers, while being a vocal leader of the team.

After the 2017 season, he became the first player to have 400 receptions in his first four seasons. He had 400 on the dot, etching his name in the record books forever. Despite his production, the Dolphins offense struggled in the absence of QB Ryan Tannehill. The team finished 6-10, and the season had been considered a disappointment.

In most situations, when a player produces the way he does, and is coming into a contract year, he is considered a valuable asset, and rewarded with an extension to the team that drafted him. The dolphins disagreed on what they viewed his value to be, and he chose the free agency route. He signed a 5-year, $75 million deal with the Cleveland Browns in the 2018 offseason, ending his time in Miami.

When debating Landry’s worth, a lot of people like to point to his yards per reception. During the 2017 season, Landry became the first player in NFL history to have 100+ receptions and not reach 1,000 yards receiving. He ended with 112 receptions and 987 yards. His 8.8 yards per reception was also the lowest in history by a receiver with more than 100 receptions.

These numbers are both impressive, and a bit alarming. It’s hard to tell whether his low average is based on his own play, or his usage by the Miami system. Although he was extremely consistent when it came to receptions, he never seemed to put up big yards in their offense.

It feels like a bit of a stretch to say he found a better situation when he signed with Cleveland, but for his personal style, it may be true. Not only has he found an offense in need of a WR1, but his average has increased to 12.6 yards/reception during his six games with the Browns. His style and passion fit perfectly in Cleveland, and he has the chance to team up with a young exciting QB in Baker Mayfield. Although he has been slowed up slightly this season by injuries, he seems to have found a comfortable spot in the offense.

His number of targets in their offense may be in question, as the team shifts to adapt with the emergence of Baker Mayfield as QB1, who seems to find the open man no matter who it is. Although Mayfield likes to spread the ball around, it can be assumed that with his skill set, Landry will find himself as a leader in the Browns receiving group for years to come. His tenacity makes it easy to want to play alongside him, and Cleveland’s desperate need for a culture change can only benefit from a player with his mindset. He wants to win, and they NEED to win. Currently, they sit at 2-3-1 on the year, which is already a huge improvement from the last two seasons, and they’re heading into a week seven matchup with Tampa Bay. It’s early, but things are looking up for Landry and the Browns.

If you enjoyed this piece, and want to read more, visit https://garageguysfantasysports.com/ and follow me on Twitter @FantasyGuy93. Also, follow @GarageGuysFS for any and all sports updates!

From The Top Shelf: Week 4

By: Fantasy Stoner


The time is upon us; it is officially Trade Season in Fantasy Football. I know you are all thinking, “WTF Stoner, it is ALWAYS trade season.” You wouldn’t be entirely right, but you wouldn’t be entirely wrong either. You see, prior to this point in the season, I find trades are made because of injuries or because we are simply infatuated with a player we wanted to draft, but were unable to. But now, at this stage in the season, it is much easier to determine the path of our team. If we have struggled for 3 weeks, it is time to shake things up. If we are dominating, we are looking to add talent to our core without disrupting our success. I love trading. And, in fact, it is probably my favorite aspect of the game, besides talking shit. I love reaching out to the bottom dwellers of the league and seeing if they are ready to sell their studs. I urge you to do the same. Remember, the worst thing that could happen, is they say no. Be sure to respond to trade offers and give feedback because you never know what someone is willing to offer. Everyone should be available for the right price. Happy Trade SZN, ladies and genetlemen.

Without further ado, here are your Dank & Schwag Buds of the week!

(Remember, Dank Buds you should play and schwag buds you should seriously consider benching.)

Dank Buds of the Week:

QB: Eli Manning: I have this cigar box that I bought years ago at a yard sale for a quarter. I decided to use it as a house for a few pipes and a container of bud. It made for easy travel and could be nicely tucked away in a multitude of places. Fifteen years later, that cigar box is still going strong. When I would decide to use the box, it almost always did a masterful job, but there were times when it just wasn’t the right thing to use because it would stink up the place. Eli Manning is my cigar box. I think it is fair to say that in his Hall of Fame career, Manning has mostly been good, but there are plenty of times that he stunk up the place. This will be one of the good weeks, at home, against the porous defense of the New Orleans Saints that have been absolutely shredded by moderately average quarterbacks so far this year. The Saints offense scores so many points that the opponents have no option but to engage in a shootout. After his best game of the season, Eli should be up for this one, considering the Saints secondary has not posed much of a challenge to anyone this season. If you had Jimmy GQ or are dealing with Cam Newton on a bye, this is the week to stream Manning.

RB: Kerryon Johnson: Kerryon Johnson, you my only friend. I will never forget my first time (No, not the first time I laid pipe, rather the first time I got high). I had just turned 12 years old. My best friend (we will call him J) had 4 older brothers. They were always drinking and getting high, but all J and I cared about was playing football. That was until that one Saturday Night Sleepover when J’s oldest brother “forced” me to inhale. I had heard that people never really get stoned the first time they smoke weed, but that was absolutely bullshit. I was high as fuck and I loved every second of it. Kerryon Johnson’s performance last week was akin to the first time I got high, I loved every second of it and want more of it every week. He became the first Lion’s back to hit a hundo since 2013! He is averaging over five yards a carry and is a threat to catch a ball out of the backfield. Adding to that, his versatility out of the backfield is something Detroit has not had in for..ehh..ver. Dallas will be without Sean Lee for this game, and maybe a few others, which should open up plenty of running lanes for the most talented back in Motown.

WR: Allen Robinson: A few years ago, I loved eating edibles. Don’t get it twisted, I still enjoy dabbling a bit, but nothing like before. I used to wake up and eat a brownie or a cookie and then go about my day, waiting for the pleasure to kick in. It was exciting and scary, trying to anticipate when it would all kick in and hoping that it wasn’t at the wrong time or that it didn’t kick me too hard directly in the ass. Allen Robinson reminds me of those edible eating days. In 2015, he was an absolute joy to watch, scary for those that played against him, and the anticipation of what he was going to do next kept me on the edge of my seat. These days, he is still a number one wide receiver, but the excitement isn’t quite there. But I think this week I want to dabble. He gets the Tampa Bay defense that often looks as though they only have 9 guys on the field because everyone seems to be wide open on every play. The Bucs have been torched by the Saints and the Steelers this season and while Mitch Trubisky is no Brees or Big Ben, he should find A-Rob open all day for another game with double digit targets. Eat up!

TE: David Njoku: Last year, for my birthday, I bought myself a present: a new 18-inch bong. This thing looked magnificent. It was truly a piece of art and my level of excitement on the way home was through the roof. I just knew when I fired that bitch up, I was gonna get super faded and it was going to be the best thing ever. I have never been more disappointed in a smoking apparatus in my life. But after a while, I started to love it. It was as if it needed to get broken in for it to hit me right. That fine chiseled bong, is David Njoku. The hype on this guy was almost unparalleled. By any other tight end; he is young, physically-gifted, and will be playing with a quarterback that can get him the ball. Unfortunately, the hype train got derailed fairly quickly. Maybe the conductor dipped into my stash of Kosher Kush. He only has 9 catches on the season, but I fully expect that to change dramatically with Baker Mayfield now behind center. Njoku’s 2 catches for 36 yards in last week’s game both came courtesy of Baker. I have to believe Mayfield’s talent will help showcase Njoku’s. Oakland has been pretty solid against tight ends so far this year, but their opponents had nobody with Njoku’s talent. Baker will be breking him in this Sunday.

Schwag Players of the Week

QB: Marcus Mariota:I have never actually used CBD oil because Tetrehydrocannabinol is greater than Cannabidoil. THC > CBD. I understand the need to get relief from pain while trying to avoid the mind-altering effects of marijuana, but I say fuck that. I want my weed to get me so high I can use it to eliminate any pain AND get me faded as fuck. CBD makes me think of Marcus Mariota and his current physical situation. Allow me to just state facts; he has some nerve dmage in his THROWING ARM which causes numbness in the fingers of his THROWING HAND. This is limiting his ability to grip the ball, meaning there are some throws that he just cant make right now. There is absolutely no way anyone should have him in their lineup this week, even in 2 QB leagues. He has only put up around 10 points TOTAL, so far this season and I don’t think he hits that number this week against the Eagles. Their pass rush is disruptive and nobody wants a QB with a weak hand. Mariota might want to look into CBDs.

RB: Peyton Barber: One of the things I hate the most in regards to cannabis is when the flower looks stunning, but smokes like shit. What I mean, is that the flower is full of crystals, but when you smoke it, it doesn’t really get you high unless you smoke 4 or 5 more bowls of it. I call that type of bud “The Plodder”. The Plodder is very laborious, as it takes a considerable amount of time and effort to get high. Peyton Barber is a fucking plodder. He looks the part, a stout 5’ 11” and 225 pounds, but when I watch him, he just doesn’t have what it takes to be a starting running back in this league. The last 2 weeks, he has 24 carries for 55 yards, for a whopping 2.29 yards per carry. Barber is literally worthless and now he has to travel to Chicago and face the Bears #1 ranked rushing defense. I believe this is the last game Barber will be starting this season if he doesn’t turn in a monster performance. After the week 5 bye, I expect Ronald Jones to get the lion’s share of the carries. This week, tell Barber to plod his ass to the bench, even though you should send him straight to the waiver wire.

WR: Marquise Goodwin: I was just telling someone the other day about the beautiful art of dabbing. Not that stupid dance that Cam Newton popularized for a few days, rather the method of vaporizing concentrated marijuana. I love dropping that wax onto the heated nail and inhaling the vapors until my lungs feel like they are exploding. This stuff hits hard and fast, much like Marquise Goodwin the second half of last season. But now, Goodwin is nothing more than a broken dab rig. This is not a knock to his level of talent; you cannot possibly teach that speed, but the Olympic Cheetah just lost his beloved quarterback for the season to a torn ACL. CJ Beathard is no Jimmy GQ, leaving Goodwin’s fantasy value plummeting. I believe the 49ers will be playing catch-up this week against the San Diego Chargers of Los Angeles, but there is no way that you can put Goodwin in your lineup. Moreover, he is still dealing with the effects of a week one quad injury. The Chargers secondary has been lit up this season, but that was thanks to Pat Mahomes and Jared Goff. Beathard couldn’t even hold any of their jocks.

TE: Jared Cook: I once bought a strain of sativa called GhostTrain Maui. I am much more of an indica person, but was super stoked to give this 2-time Cannabis Cup winner a try. Sadly, I was very disappointed. I chalk it up to a bad batch, but the initial high came and went before I even had a chance to enjoy it (That’s what she said). Jared Cook is the GhostTrain Maui of the NFL. He started this year with 9 catches for 180 yards in the season opener against the Los Angeles Rams, but only has 9 catches for 80 yards the last two weeks. Now he has to face the Cleveland Browns, who have given up the 4 fewest points to tight ends so far this young season. The Raiders have had a different guy lead them in receiving each game this season and the Browns have only given up 97 yards and no TDs to the position. This is not the week for Cook.

Best of luck in Week 4 everyone!!

Hit up the Garage Guys Hotline at 929-430-GGFS with any waiver, trade, start/sit questions or anything else on your mind and follow me on Twitter @FantasyFBStoner.

Smoke it if you got it!!!

Assistant to Success

Bill Belichick is a hell of a football coach. Despite what some may think of him, based on his coaching techniques or lack of interest in speaking with anyone with a microphone, he is still a tremendous teacher of the game. This holds true every single time the Patriots make it back to the playoffs.

Some people credit Tom Brady more than Belichick for the Patriot’s success. It’s understandable, as they both have entered into an area of success that nobody else has seen before. As a QB, five Super Bowls is the most anybody has won at the position. As a head coach, five Super Bowls is the most for anybody in history. They have both been to eight Super Bowls together, making that the most appearances ever for both a coach and a player. They basically wrote a whole section of NFL history together, making it somewhat difficult to tell who deserves the credit. But that debate can actually be a strong one.

One thing that has never been debated over Belichick’s time as a head coach, is whether it’s him or his fellow coaching staff that makes them go. It’s him, proven time and time again.

Those who are not often credited with the Patriot’s success, is Belichick’s assistants. Over time, most of Bill’s coordinators that saw so much success under his guidance, saw their careers peak after leaving the Patriots. None of his assistants have seen near as much success as he has, and it’s not even remotely close. Bill O’Brien has probably been the “most successful” out of the bunch, residing currently as the head coach of the Houston Texans, and sitting at a career record of 31-36. Charlie Weiss saw intermediate success at the college level, but not much. This consistent lack of winning on the part of his assistants, once they get promoted to head coaching positions, is the reason people believe Belichick may be the best football coach ever.

His assistants have gone a combined 156-227, and 9-14 against Belichick himself.

One assistant that Belichick actually cares for, is Matt Patricia. He is now the head coach of the Detroit Lions, and goes way back in terms of Bill’s legacy.

Patricia joined the Patriot’s coaching staff in 2004 as an offensive assistant. After two years, in 2006, he flipped over to the defensive side of the ball as a linebackers coach. He was named defensive coordinator in 2012, although it’s worth noting that he had been calling the plays on the defensive side since the 2010 season. He retained that position for six years before moving on to become a head coach in the 2018 season. During his time in New England, they saw an enormous amount of success. They won three of their five total Super Bowls together and placed the Patriots dynasty among the elites.

When Matt Patricia left, it wasn’t quite understood what exactly the Patriots had lost. Sure, Belichick and Brady still remained, but Patricia had been around calling plays for the defense for eight seasons. He had also been there through every Patriot’s scandal you can think of, and he stayed. You don’t just move on from that. Although he was given much grief about the Patriot’s defensive performance in the Super Bowl against the Eagles, he has an outstanding track record of putting together consistent defensive units. This résumé is what landed him the Detroit Lions Head coaching job.

Coming into the season, people didn’t know what to expect from the Lions. They were 9-7 the year before, missing the playoffs, but returning a good team. Mathew Stafford at QB, two 1,000 yard receivers, and a defense that saw its best year in a while during its previous campaign. Patricia was lined up for at least mediocre success during the Lions’ transition to a completely different system.

Detroit started off a bit rocky, going 0-2 in their first two showings. Not ideal, but the real matchup was waiting in week three, when Patricia was slated to face his former teacher, Bill Belichick. The Patriots started the season 1-1, and not much had been made about the Lions’ chances of victory, as New England had been favored by seven points on the road. Many assumed Belichick would lead his team over the Lions, and continue his rolling success against his former assistants. Patricia had another plan.

Although they hadn’t won yet, it was just a matter of time before things started to mesh. With a newfound rushing attack, the Lions actually looked like a balanced offense for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime. They moved the ball without having to throw it, and looked like a team that can not only win, but dominate. They took it to the Patriots and won 26-10, giving Patricia his first win as a head coach, and quite a memorable one at that. Not only was he victorious, but it had been against his former teacher. This had to make it that much sweeter.

Belichick hates to lose, almost as much as he hates to talk. After a game, he’s not exactly the nicest of people. Even if you’re one of his former assistants, you’re most likely getting a half-second handshake with zero eye contact. It’s just the way he operates. Unless you’re Matty P.

After their contest, despite the outcome, Belichick met Patricia at mid-field for an embrace. It was better than a handshake, but less than a real hug. It was Belichick’s hug, probably the only kind he can give. Quick and to the point, and not a lot of smiling. It shows he cares, but only to a certain extent, because he still wants to beat you.

Although it’s still early and the sample size is small, the Lions may have got the right guy. Patricia seems to be earning the trust of his new team as each day passes, and the players are buying into his system more and more each week. 1-2 isn’t great, but it’s a start. It’s only one win, but it was a big one. Taking a game against New England can jumpstart any teams season. (See: 2017 Kansas City Chiefs)

If you enjoyed this piece follow me @fantasyguy93 on twitter for more! Also, follow @garageguysfs for any and all sports updates!

The Legend of Mayfield and Mahomes

Long before Mahomes made headlines when the chiefs traded up in the draft to get him, and long before Mayfield was drafted 1st overall by the Cleveland Browns, their paths became intertwined in a rather unorthodox way.

First and foremost, they are both young QB’s from central Texas. This alone bodes well for their pro potential, as Texas leads the nation in QB’s currently playing in the NFL. Amongst the elites are Drew Brees, Andrew Luck, Mathew Stafford, Derek Carr, Andy Dalton, Nick Foles, and many more. Mayfield reigns from Lake Travis in Austin. Mahomes from Whitehouse near Tyler. This would be only the first of multiple similarities that would occur between their two respective careers.

Mayfield began his college career as a walk on at Texas Tech University. He earned the starting job as a true freshman after an injury to the projected starter. He had a great start to his career, before injury and “miscommunication with coaches” sidelined him. In his absence, fellow true freshman Davis Webb stepped in and Mayfield announced he would leave the program after the 2013 season. Issues between Mayfield and the Texas Tech coaching staff influenced this decision.

In January, 2014, Mayfield enrolled at Oklahoma University as a walk-on. Bob Stoops announced his arrival to the team in February, despite the fact that he was not eligible to play until the 2015 season.

During the 2014 season, back in Lubbock, Patrick Mahomes had just arrived to Texas Tech as a freshman, and sat behind Davis Webb. After injury to Webb, Mahomes got his first start against Texas, and remained the starter for the rest of the season. He began his sophomore year as the starter. During his 2015 season, Mahomes had 4,600+ yards and 36 touchdowns.

Back in Norman, in August of 2015, Baker Mayfield was named the starting QB for the Sooners after a tough competition with Trevor Knight. He went on to lead the Sooners to the 2015 College Football Playoff, and finished fourth in the Heisman voting. A year later, in December of 2016, after a prolific scoring clinic was put on by the Oklahoma offense, both Mayfield and his primary target Dede Westbrook were named as finalists for the Heisman trophy. The Sooners were slotted to play in the 2017 Sugar Bowl and were victorious against Auburn.

Not to be outdone by his fellow competitor, Mahomes had himself a great 2016 season as well. He finished his magnificent campaign by eclipsing 5,000 passing yards and scoring 53 total touchdowns on the year. His highlight of the season, strangely enough, came during his contest with none other than Baker Mayfield and the Oklahoma Sooners. During the game, he tied the NCAA single-game passing yards record of 734 passing yards, and set a new NCAA record for most total passing yards in a game by two players (other was Mayfield). After the season, Mahomes announced he would enter the 2017 NFL draft. He would later be taken 10th overall by the Kansas City Chiefs, and stashed behind Alex Smith for his rookie season.

During the 2017 season, Mayfield took off and set the nation on fire. He made a name for himself when he planted an Oklahoma flag in the middle of the “O” after beating Ohio State in Columbus in week three. Mayfield capped his 2017 season with a Big 12 championship victory against TCU, and a trip to the 2017 College Football Playoff against Georgia.

heisman mayfield

Mayfield was awarded the 2017 Heisman trophy, becoming the first walk-on player to accomplish this. After entering the draft, he was selected first overall by the Cleveland Browns, becoming the first walk-on player to go first overall in the NFL draft as well. This was immediately criticized by almost everyone, as Sam Darnold had been detailed as the most pro-ready QB available, and the Browns were expected to take the “sure thing” given their current and past QB situation. GM John Dorsey does what he wants. He wanted Baker Mayfield, and that was that

Right around the time Mayfield was making waves and winning awards at the collegiate level, Mahomes’ name was starting to cause a stir in the NFL. Everyone knew he had the physical traits to last in the league, but some still questioned his ability to run the offense.

Mahomes got his first start late in the 2017 season when the Chiefs rested Alex Smith for the playoffs. He played well, but didn’t really have a breakout performance. It wasn’t until two weeks ago, week one of the 2018 regular season, that he showed us all what he could do.

mahomes pro

Mahomes has since thrown for 582 yards and 10 touchdowns in their first two games of the 2018 season, setting the Chiefs up at 2-0, and silencing any critics to his name. If he can continue to play at near his current pace, Kansas City will be looking good going forward, and the rest of the AFC should look out.

Two weeks into the 2018 season, and Mayfield had yet to see the field during the regular season. The Browns managed a 0-1-1 start through the first two games under starting quarterback Tyrod Taylor. Although it was believed that Mayfield could give the Browns offense an added element in the passing game, some questioned whether it was too early to play him or not. Given that fellow rookie QB’s Sam Darnold and Josh Allen have already been moved up to QB1, some have speculated that Mayfield might be given the nod sooner rather than later. As it turned out, they were right.

It would only take roughly two and half games into the regular season before fans at FirstEnergy Stadium began to boo the Browns stagnant offense, and scream the name of their coveted first overall draft pick. After most of the first half had passed, and only a couple minutes remained on the clock before halftime, Tyrod Taylor went down with a concussion, and on came Baker. You could hear the immediate reaction from the crowd, as they were finally getting to see their QB of the future in his first real action. He did not disappoint.

Mayfield came into the game down 14-0, with an offense that had struggled mightily to this point, and without hesitation, took over the game. His first two passes seemed effortless, and had been exactly what the team was lacking. They went into the half down 14-3, and came out firing. Mayfield led the Browns on three second-half scoring drives, including a re-enactment of the “Philly Special”(most previously seen in Super Bowl LII) on a 2-point conversion attempt to tie the game at 14-14. They scored again on a short burst by Carlos Hyde, whose two touchdowns of the night helped push the Browns in front. The Jets would only go on to score three more points, and the Cleveland Browns got their first win, 21-17, in 635 days.

Not only did the offense have a completely different attitude under Mayfield, but paired with that already nasty and youthfully explosive defense, they could give a lot of teams trouble. His surrounding teammates were clearly energized by his confident approach and “production only” mindset.

These two players took different roads to reach where they are, and despite their difference in play style, they both have a good chance to succeed in the NFL. If I had to put my money on it, I would say they are both on their way to being top 10 QB’s in the league.

Their collaborative story writes a new chapter on Nov. 4th when the Browns take on the Chiefs in Cleveland. If previous showings are a correct indicator, these two could put on an offensive clinic. Whether it’s competitive nature, or mutual respect, these two always seem to bring the best out of one another.

If you enjoyed this piece, and want to see more follow me on twitter @fantasyguy93, and make sure to follow @garageguysfs for any and all sports updates!

From the Top Shelf — Week 3

I feel like week 3 is one of the most important in regards to your fantasy teams. For teams that started off 2-0, a win this week is a nice set up for a solid playoff run. For those teams that are currently 1-1 or 0-2, another loss this week may change the landscape of your season. This is the week to determine whether you can move forward with the core of players you have or if you must make some serious moves to right a sinking ship. Don’t get it twisted, it is definitely possible to turn your season around after an 0-3 start, but the climb back into league relevance is Mt. Everest-like.

Fear not, as I am here to help with some insight on some players you should start and some you should consider benching. Quick recap from last week shows that I hit pretty well on all of my starts as Philip Rivers, James Conner, Nelson Agholor, and Travis Kelce all scored enough to make them dank starts. As for the schwag, Carlos Hyde and Robby Anderson proved me right, Jimmy Graham proved he is more than just a touchdown dependent tight end, and Derek Carr-bage did enough to not make you hate yourself if you start him for some reason.

Lastly, be sure to listen to the Garage Guys podcast on iTunes. I was a guest this week and we had a great time recapping week 2 and preparing for week 3.

Remember, Dank Buds you should play and schwag buds you should seriously consider benching.

Without further ado, here are your Dank & Schwag Buds of the week:

Dank Buds of the Week:

QB: Jimmy Garoppolo: What can we say about Mr. Steal Your Girl that has not already been said. The most handsome quarterback in the league has not quite lived to the pre-season hype, but bigger and better games are on the horizon. That starts this week against Kansas City. The Chiefs defense has been so porous that I currently have more confidence in a broken condom. Jimmy GQ is currently the equivalent of a beautiful looking strain of weed that fails to deliver when you smoke it. It looks vibrant and sexy, but the high is weak and ugly. But luckily, it was just a bad batch, because the next time you try it, you get high as fuck. We all know the Chiefs are going to score points, with Sideshow Pat Mahomes slinging the ball all over the field. GQ will have to throw to keep pace on the road and with Marquise Goodwin expected back, he has the weapons to provide you with an outstanding fantasy day because the Swiss Cheese Chiefs defense has allowed almost 900 yards and 7 total touchdowns to quarterbacks the first 2 weeks. The game will dictate the Niners abandoned the run game and let The Franchise throw the rock. Start him with extreme confidence.

RB: Chris Thompson: For four years plus in college, I carried around a cigarette-style one hitter to ensure I was always prepared when I needed a toke. Chris Thompson reminds me of that one-hitter. He is not someone to be used at all times, but when needed, he will get the job done. Both are small and compact, but provide the punch necessary to get you what you need. He only has 9 carries on the season, but he is a machine in the passing game with 19 catches for over 150 yards. Chances are the Redskins will be playing from behind against the Green Bay Packers, thus eliminating Adrian Peterson from much of the game script and adding to CT’s already impressive stats. He is the most dynamic pass-catcher on the Redskins and should see a ton of targets as Alex Smith has become the check down king the first two weeks.

WR: Keelan Cole: Keelan Cole SZN has officially begun. He was pretty well hyped this off-season after a strong finish in 2017. After an average first game, Cole exploded last week for 7/116/1, including a tremendous OBJ-like one-handed catch. He helped the Jaguars destroy the Patriots and I expect much of the same this week against the Titans who have given up an astronomical number of points to wide receivers so far this season. I never thought I would say this and I am laughing as I type it, but Blake Bortles was firing on all cylinders last week without Leonard Fournette and with him expected back this week, it should make it even easier to get the play-making Cole the ball. Cole reminds me of a weed pen, which allows for ninja smoking. Cole is the ninja of NFL WRs. He is quick and compact and will do some serious damage when used properly.

TE: OJ Howard: OJ Howard has become the tight end to own in Tampa Bay. Cameron Brate has yet to catch a pass this season. OJ is big and fast, causing matchup nightmares for linebackers and safeties. He has only 5 catches so far, but he has made the most of them, including a 75-yard TD against the Eagles defense which came into the season ranked in the top 5. I do think he needs more volume to be considered an every week play, but he is lucky enough this week to face a Steelers defense that was recently shredded by Travis Kelce. I don’t think they have anyone that can match up with Howard and he should be in for a big week. A friend of mine used to own a 6-foot bong we called Maximus. That thing delivered such a powerful punch, but it was not something we could use all the time. It burned a ton of weed and you always needed a friend to facilitate its use. OJ Howard is a 6-foot bong. He has burned a ton of fantasy football players in the past, but defenders will always need help covering him and bringing him down. The only thing I see him burning this week is the Steelers defense.

Schwag Players of the Week

QB: Andrew Luck: My favorite smoking apparatus in my younger days was my bubbler. The bub is a hybrid of a bong and a bowl and delivers a great hit. But one day, in my stoned haze, I knocked it off the table and cracked the neck. It wasn’t completely broken and I was actually able to get it repaired. Unfortunately, it was never the same afterward. Andrew Luck is my broken bubbler. Prior to his injuries, Luck was the man that was able to make any throw and was a no-brainer when setting your weekly lineup. But times have changed. Luck is not the worst QB to pin your hope to, but he doesn’t seem to have it anymore. His ability to get the ball downfield is practically non-existent. His Air Yards per pass is hovering with the likes of Nathan Peterman and Sam Bradford. He looks like damaged goods to me, much like it felt when I smoked from the broken bubbler after it was repaired. Another thing to worry about is the Eagles defense. I know they were just destroyed by Ryan Fitz-Magic, but they are a much better unit then they showed last week. I believe they are going to be back to being the defense we expected them to be. Stuffing the Colts invisible run game and releasing the pass rushing hounds to disrupt Luck’s short passing game. Keep the broken bub on the shelf this week, there are so many better options out there.

RB: Dalvin Cook: Before you stop reading my ridiculousness, just hear me out. I love Dalvin Cook. In fact, if it weren’t for him leaving last week’s game with an injury, I probably would have accepted a trade of Cook and my homeboy Golden Tate for David Johnson. The first thing I am concerned about is the injury. They are calling it a ‘hamstring cramp” (whatever the fuck that means). My grandmother used to call that a Charley Horse. She never missed a day of work due to a Charley Horse but Cook hasn’t practiced yet this week. Moreover, the Vikings are playing the Buffalo Bills this week which very well could be the worst team in football. Cook is schwag for me this week. Not based on talent or production, but circumstance. I think it would be foolish to play him against a team they can slay without him. Latavius Murray should get the start this week so Cook can heal properly. If he does play I don’t expect much usage from him, especially considering the game should be well out of hand by halftime. I recently acquired this Indica strain called Frosted Cherry Candyland. It is new, beautiful purple color, and hits you like a wrecking ball making you worthless the rest of the day. This is something not designed for smoking all the time. Dalvin Cook is Frosted Cherry Candyland and this is the time to keep him on the shelf and use someone else or your team could be worthless.

WR: Corey Davis: Corey Davis has been adequate so far this year, but not spectacular. This week he may not only be playing with Blaine Gabbert as his quarterback, but also with Jalen Ramsey in his face all day. I understand he is getting a heavy share of the targets these days, but I want no part of him this week. The Titans don’t just have issues under center, but also on the offensive line with both starting offensive tackles being injured. I am not sure how much time whoever is at QB will have to throw the ball and don’t expect there to be much separation to get the ball to Davis. I know that OBJ and Hogan had solid fantasy days against this formidable defense, but Davis is no OBJ nor does he have Tom Brady throwing to him. My least favorite thing about smoking blunts and joints is when they start boating. Boating, for those not in the know, is when one side starts burning faster than the other. It is quite disappointing when this happens and often ruins the whole experience. This week, Corey Davis is a boating blunt. The only way to fix that blizzy is the keep him on the bench.

TE: Ben Watson: I was expecting big things from Benjamin Watson this season. Granted, I didn’t expect him to replicate his past success with the Saints, but I felt it would be like riding a bike for Drew Brees. Sadly this has yet to be the case, although Brees did overthrow a wide open Watson last week against the Browns. Of his 65 completions this young season, Brees has only connected with Watson 7 times for 63 yards. He is not the TE1 we hoped he would be, more like a low end TE2 at this point. The Falcons have been pretty stingy to tight ends this season and even though they lost some key pieces of their defense in Deion Jones and Keanu Neal, I am still not excited about Watson this week. One of my best friends has this love of buying crazy glass bowl pieces. Sometimes they hit amazingly; other times they are dogshit. One of the coolest ones he ever bought was shaped like a tank. It was so beautifully chiseled with details I have never seen, but when we used it, we hated that bitch. Ben Watson (also chiseled and built like a tank) is hitting much like that bowl. I expect he will have some solid games this season, but this will not be one of them, even though a shootout is expected.

Bonus Team Schwag:

Arizona Cardinals: This shouldn’t really have to be said, but it feels necessary at this time. This is definitely not the week to start your Arizona Cardinals. In case you didn’t know, their offense (and I use that term loosely) is a dumpster fire. Oh, and they are playing the Chicago Bears. I know that most of us aren’t even considering starting Sam Bradford. The 90 yards he threw for last week is laughable at this point. He might not hit that number this week with Khalil Mack and Company swarming on every drop back. Larry Fitzgerald is a bit banged up and should be benched. Ricky Seals-Jones has only 7 catches for 36 yards on the year and probably isn’t worth a roster spot right now, let alone a start. This brings me to David Johnson. I love DJ and spoke about it on the Garage Guys podcast this week. He is far too talented to bench, but this week you need to taper expectations. The coaches don’t seem to have a clue how to use him, with their running game emulating that of a shitty high school offense and his non-existence in the passing game. They claim that they want to get him more involved and I am certain it will happen, but it will not be this week. Their best bet is to hope they make it through this week without serious injury and start Josh Rosen week 4 at home against the Seahawks. Rosen is not going to completely change things around, but he will give them way more of a chance than Bradford. Moreover, Rosen will move DJ and Fitz back into the must start realm. Starting anyone on the Arizona Cardinals offense this week would be like buying an ounce of weed, but realizing that it is really oregano.

Best of luck this week everyone!

Hit up the Garage Guys Hotline at 929-430-GGFS (4437) with any waiver, trade, start/sit questions or anything else on your mind.

Follow me on Twitter @FantasyFBStoner

Smoke it if you got it!!!

Mr. Rodgers’ Neighborhood

During the offseason, one of the biggest topics of discussion is always money. Which top-notch players were going to receive a market-altering contract offer, and who was going to be cut to save space on the cap. It was no different this year, with quite a few high-caliber players making waves with their pay stubs.

There are always differing opinions on whether certain players deserve what they get, or whether they were overpaid as a result of limited options at their respective positions.

In an era of offense, there is added stress being put on rules protecting ball carriers and receivers, as well as quarterbacks. Most of the rules put into place are to protect the players health as much as possible without affecting the general overall outcome of the performance. These rules, set in place, also create a game vastly different from the one we once knew. More scoring, less contact. With these changes, comes elevated importance on contractually locking down your most dangerous offensive threats.

Ideally, in a situation where a player has given his all to an organization, and his production mirrors that of the elites, he is compensated accordingly. Also, though, exits the opposite. A player can be a major contributor to a franchise, and still find himself at a crossroads come contract negotiations. Despite their success on the field, they may still find themselves having to make a tough financial decision regarding their future.

Professional football is a business, first and foremost.

One of the most noteworthy players that signed an astronomical contract this offseason, is Aaron Rodgers. Almost immediately following the announcement, the internet, as well as most football fans around the globe, broke into a debate over whether or not he deserved the contract he received. Against him, were all the normal arguments waged against a player after a big signing. “He only has one ring.” “His team never performs in the postseason.” “He’s a benefactor of a great offensive mind.” Although some of these points may be partially true, none of them are reasons why he shouldn’t receive his monstrous payday. Here are the number from OvertheCap.com.

Age Base Salary Prorated Sign-on Roster Workout Cap #
35 $1.1M $11.5M $7.8M $500k $20.9M
36 $1.1M $11.5M $13.4M $500k $26.5M
37 $1.1M $11.5M $19.5M $500k $32.6M
38 $14.7M $11.5M $6.8M $500k $33.5M
39 $25M $11.5M $0 $500k $37M
40 $25M $0 $0 $500k $25.5M
Total $68M $57.5M $47.5M $3M $176M

With football being the ultimate team sport, there are a lot of moving cogs that go into the final product. Every position practices separately while perfecting their craft, and then all of the pieces are put together to make magic. In football, a game where every position is codependent on the man lined up next to you, consistency and leadership are two qualities every franchise longs for in a QB. Rodgers makes everyone around him better, and can make any throw you can draw up. If you can obtain and lockdown a prolific passer for the foreseeable future, especially one with great field awareness, every other roster decision becomes slightly easier.

Rodgers is the ultimate asset. He proves himself time and time again. He is dominant every time he steps on thdownloade field, and has never met his match in terms of a defense he can’t pick apart. Defensive coordinators lose sleep game planning for him, and he’s the key to an offense that is completely built around the way he plays the game. When he is on the field, his team can compete against anyone in the league. When he’s not, they are less than stellar.

Without Rodgers, the Packers offense fails to move the ball.

In his absence, not only does the passing game fall apart, but their rushing attack, which already notoriously struggles, and has averaged 17th in the league since Rodgers’ emergence as the QB1 ,cannot be trusted.

The Green Bay Defense has helped Rodgers about as much as the rushing game has. In his time as the starting QB, over the span of the last decade, the Packers team defense has averaged 17th in the league , and never held up in clutch situations. Although their defense did manage a great year in 2011(also the year they won the Super Bowl), they’ve never shown consistency during his time there. Therefore, his play at the QB position has been made a priority in a franchise that expects to win.

With Rodgers at the command, the Packers offense is always a lethal threat to put up both yards and points. They consistently move the ball, and can usually make up for the lousy rushing game with an elite passing attack.

In the eight full seasons that he has played without injury, he has put up fantastic numbers. He routinely finishes the season in the top five in QBR, and is historically careful with the ball.

Season Games Att Comp Comp % Yds Yds/G TD Int Rate
2017 7 238 154 64.7 1,675 239.3 16 6 97.2
2016 16 610 401 65.7 4,428 276.8 40 7 104.2
2015 16 572 347 60.7 3,821 238.8 31 8 92.7
2014 16 520 341 65.6 4,381 273.8 38 5 112.2
2013 9 290 193 66.6 2,536 281.8 17 6 104.9
2012 16 552 371 67.2 4,295 268.4 39 8 108
2011 15 502 343 68.3 4,643 309.5 45 6 122.5
2010 15 475 312 65.7 3,922 261.5 28 11 101.2
2009 16 541 350 64.7 4,434 277.1 30 7 103.2
2008 16 536 341 63.6 4,038 252.4 28 13 93.8

If you needed a recent example of just how masterful he can be in the pocket, look no further than the last game he played against the Bears.

On Sunday, September 9th, the Packers played the Bears at home. After Rodgers went down in the first half, the Packers fell behind 20-0 at the break. Rodgers left on the cart and it looked gloomy for Green Bay fans.

And then, like the Magician he is, Rodgers emerges from the locker room in the second half, and brings his team back from the dead to a 24-23 victory over the visiting Chicago Bears.

Rodgers is obviously worth the house, but it’s not always just a question of whether a player is worth it or not, but whether the team can afford them. In his case, the Packers had enough cap space to offer a huge deal. Had they not, they would have made space.

Rodgers’ 4 year/$134M contract extension($100M+ guaranteed) is a small price to pay to keep this man in town. As mediocre as their rushing game AND defense has been for the past decade, the fact that they won a Super Bowl in that time is impressive.

Sometimes it’s ok to question the contract a player receives, especially if it’s for your team. In this case, it should be obvious. Aaron Rodgers is worth it.

If you enjoyed this piece on the Aaron Rodgers saga, and want to hear more from me and the Garage Guys follow us on Twitter @garageguysfs and myself @fantasyguy93 for any and all fantasy sports updates and advice!

From The Top Shelf — Week 2

DON’T OVERREACT!!! This is the best advice I can give after week one. Whether you scored 200 points or only 52, don’t get crazy. If you won by 117 points, congrats. If you lost by 0.02 points, that sucks. Or if you lost by 117 points, don’t worry, everything will be okay. The worst thing we can do after one week is hastily make moves to try and right a ship that isn’t even sinking yet.

Even I had a few thoughts about trading David Johnson for a running back and wide receiver, but luckily I smoked myself back to reality. I think my favorite thing about smoking weed is that it helps me remain even keeled. I let my highs get really high (pun intended) so my lows never get too low. Best thing you can do is smoke a fat bowl of weed and fucking relax. Championships are not won or lost in the first week of fantasy football! Keep grindin’.

Without further ado, here are your Dank & Schwag Buds For Week 2:

Dank Buds of the Week:

QB: Philip Rivers: Philip Rivers is the finely rolled joint of NFL QBs. They both have been around for quite some time, they deliver fairly consistently whether on the road or at home, and even when bad, they are both kind of good. Last week was a tale of two halves for Rivers, but this week he gets to face a Buffalo team that just got shredded byPhilipRivers3.jpg the less-than-elite Joe Flacco for 3 TDs. The Chargers actually have more weapons than the Ravens and all of them should be on display this week. I am expecting big games from Melvin Gordon, Keenan Allen and Mike Williams. I also believe Austn Ekeler and Antonio Gates get in the endzone too. All of this will be facilitated by Philip “The Joint” Rivers. I fully expect over 300 yards and at least 3 TDs.

RB: James Conner: Back in the day, I had a buddy that would empty out a Philly Blunt without cracking the paper. He would then proceed to empty out the tobacco and refill it with marijuana. He called it The Godfather. James Conner is not The Terminator; he is The Godfather. The Steelers emptied their backfield of Le’Veon Bell and refilled it with something potent as fuck. Conner had 36 touches for almost 200 yards and 2 TDs in a rain-soaked tie. While this should be a solid game for Big Ben, since they are playing at home, there is nothing to make me believe Conner want be pushing 30 touches again this week. While he is in the lineup, his volume will be second to none. I think it is a ploy to convince Bell they are fine without him, but who cares. Roll will JC for as long as you can and much like with The Godfather, you will not be disappointed. Take the word of the “Godfather” of fantasy analysis @evansilva.

WR: Nelson Agholor: Let us overlook the fact that he only had 33 yards last week. The important thing to focus on is the 10 targets with 8 catches. With Alshon still residing in the blue medical tent, Agholor is the only Philly wide receiver you want to own. Tampa Bay’s defensive secondary is so banged up they may suit up actual swiss cheese this weekend. They only registered one sack last week against the Saints too, so things are boding very well for Nick Foles and Agholor. Agholor should once again be a target monster against the Bucs, but I expect far more yardage and a score. Agholor reminds me of that friend who is always inconsistent with his supply. At times, he delivers some of the finest, dankest shit you ever had, but other times he brings nothing to the table. This week, Agholor is dank as fuck.

TE: Travis Kelce: It is not often when you have to list a top 3 tight end on a start list, but after last week’s performance, I think it important to mention him. We all knew that Pat Mahomes was a completely different quarterback than Alex Smith and that Kelce’s numbers were going to take a hit, but a lone catch for 6 yards is completely unacceptable for a guy being drafted in the 3rdround. The good thing is, he did have 6 targets in a game completely dominated by Tyreek Hill. The Steelers are a tough opponent for TEs, finishing second against them last season, but I think Hill steals a ton of their attention, opening up the field for Kelce to do work and take better advantage of his target shares. Start him with confidence. In 2013, a strain called Girl Scout Cookies took home the Cannabis Cup for Best Hybrid and Travis Kelce was drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs. Kelce is Girl Scout Cookies, a hybrid who can still fuck your shit up even after all these years.

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Schwag Buds of the Week

QB: Derek Carr: In 2015, I bought this amazing little bong. It had a loch ness monster engraved into it and about a week later I found a Nessy bowl piece that made it perfect. I took great care of it until last year when I dropped it off a balc2244999670_1b91526ccc_b.jpgony and it shattered into a million little pieces. Derek Carr is that destroyed bong. He was once amazing and it was thought he would be fucking people up for a long time, but last season, he shattered. He is now Derek Carr-bage. Monday night proved that he does not have what it takes to be a winner in this league. He not only didn’t complete many passes to the guys lined up outside, he barely even looked their way and he gets to face Von Miller and the Denver Broncos defense. They may not be the unit they have been in the past, but Carr-bage threw 3 picks last week and will throw a few more this week. If he is on your roster, drop him. I would rather have Sam Darnold as a backup QB than Carr-bage.

RB: Carlos Hyde: El Guapo had 22 touches, for 65 yards and a touchdown last week, but unfortunately, he only averaged 2.8 yards a carry. That is not good. He was lucky that Big Ben and the Steelers offense was inept enough that the game dictated him getting 22 carries. This week, the Cleveland Browns get to travel to The Big Easy for a game with the Saints. Drew Brees and his offense are quite adequate. So much so that I believe Duke Johnsonimages (5).jpgis the running back to play in the Browns backfield this week. The Saints will score points, the Browns will have to keep pace. Hyde just doesn’t feel to me that he will be a big part of the offense once the Saints get up 14-0 in the first quarter. I also think the Saints defense is better than they showed last week and the Browns will be the first team they feast on. Hyde is a no-go for me this weekend, much like my bubbler. I like it a lot, it just isn’t something I plan on utilizing this weekend.

WR: Robby Anderson: I love Robby Anderson, but I hate the way he is going to be used. Q-Dawg Enunwa is the clear target monster in that offense. Him and Darnold connected on a different level Monday Night. Anderson made a hell of a play on that deep touchdown reception, which was great, but it was himages (6).jpgis only target of the game. I need more than that from a WR2/3 or a flex play. I assume the Jets will do what they can to get Anderson more involved this week, but the Dolphins are not half bad in the secondary and was a tough matchup for WRs last season. Anderson will have his big games, but I fear he will end up more Darrius Heyward-Bey than Kenny Stills-like. Robby is like that gravity bong that you love to use but rarely do. It packs a heavy punch when it shows up, but there just isn’t enough usage to make it relevant.

TE: Jimmy Graham: Be prepared for Jimmy Graham to disappoint this season. In a game where the Green Bay Packers and a gimpy Aaron Rodgers were slinging the ball all over the place in the second half, Graham managed only 2 catches for 8 yards. If you are goinimages (7).jpgg to average 4 yards a catch, the least you can do is have 8 reception (right Nelson?) and maybe get in the endzone, but neither of those things happened. That’s the thing with Graham this year, I think he is going to be touchdown dependent. And with Devante Adams, Randall Cobb, GERONIMO, and soon to be Aaron Jones, I am not sure exactly how many Graham targets will end up with as a touchdown. This week, he gets to play against the Minnesota Vikings defense that gave up the least fantasy points per game to the position last season. If he doesn’t score a TD, Graham is as worthless as a broken Bic Lighter next to a giant bowl of danky nugs. You should definitely Puff, Puff, Pass on him this week.

Best of luck this week everyone. Dank Buds you should play and schwag buds you should seriously consider benching.

Hit up the Garage Guys Hotline at 929-430-GGFS with any waiver, trade, or start/sit questions for next week.

Those of you in the path of Hurricane Flo, be safe.

Smoke it if you got it!!!

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